I’m re-reading The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker, facilitator extraordinaire. The book came out mid-2019, her platform exploded in 2020, when everyone turned to Parker, book in hand, and challenged her, “how do we gather now?” Her creativity, thoughtfulness, and solutions, shared via email newsletter and Instagram, have been fascinating to follow.
I appreciate that Parker gleans just as much from events that fall flat, as those that have everyone buzzing with joy for weeks afterwards. She brings forward powerful and pertinent lessons on gathering well from unexpected places—kindergarten classroom rituals, Taylor Swift and Beyoncé concert tours, and unorthodox invitations.
Here are a few of the principles Parker explores in the book:
Identify what your event is about. When you begin with a deep understanding of your event’s purpose, the decisions of where, who, when, how, and what to eat are so much easier to answer.
Question the formulas we usually follow. Does it have to be indoors? Do you have to serve coffee? Do there have to be speeches? Can you get by on candlelight?
We Close Doors to define space and figuratively the same applies to the invite list. A certain level of exclusivity is generous to the event’s purpose and the people in the room.
Create a temporary alternate world. Perhaps you need to give coworkers a place to compete for fun, or close friends an excuse to dress up for a formal meal. Everyone will wear white. Guests will be given a role in the event’s proceedings. Each person puts on special shoes—bowling, anyone?
Noteworthy intentional gathering practices:
My friend Jocelyn dual-purposed her family dining room into an art gallery for nearly four years, curating shows by local artists and hosting receptions. Her events challenge assumed limitations and build community and she has a perfectly-titled newsletter, the tiny little high five.
The Frog Club in New York puts a cute sticker over your cell phone when you enter. This action creates a temporary alternate world and asks you to be present. This is not a place to take photos of the, reportedly, delectable food.
If a celebration is in order amongst the daily grind, do one symbolic thing to make that happen. To celebrate a recent and unexpected success, at the next meeting, our team leaders surprised everyone with snacks and champagne, or sparkling water, for a toast.
Memorable Gatherings of 2024
So far this year has included…
an epic surprise birthday party involving intricate layers of subterfuge * a 3-hour karaoke session with old friends * a 3 a.m. divine liturgy * dinner followed by singing and guitar * my goddaughter’s 5th birthday party * a fundraising auction for a conservation non-profit * an escape room—er, womb—designed for an expectant mother * a cozy game night with my neighbors * an all-parish meeting * a talk given by a beloved author and friend * a four-way video-call introduction of friends * a reception marking 50 years of ordination for a beloved priest and his wife * a film premiere at an independent theater with over 300 people * six distinctive living room screenings
The year has just begun!
Gathering Wish List
This is a non-exhaustive list of things I’d love to attend or host to celebrate art, share information, and build community. When the time is right, let’s have:
A virtual college fair for high school students and their parents, exploring some of the wonderful options available, perhaps even including some gap year inspiration too. In addition to basic stats, a representative from each institution or program will describe the type of student who would be most happy there.
A garden art party where everyone creates a concrete stepping stone to leave, and one to take home, and I can enjoy reminders of these friends when I’m gardening.
A block printing party where people, especially first-timers, get to try out the medium from sketching to carving, and finally printing their design.
An artists’ show and tell, where visual artists show 2-3 pieces of their work, and say a few words about their inspiration, medium, and what they’re working on now.
A friends’ film school, where we watch a series of meaningful films and facilitate a conversation about them. Credit goes to Danica for this idea, and to Mary, who organizes a singular film discussion in her community each year
A film festival. Over the last few years, I’ve met talented composers, editors, and other courageous filmmakers, and as a result, I would love to gather both the artists and their work together to celebrate.
A routine neighborhood event, like the ones Melody Warnick wrote about in her book about placemaking, This is Where You Belong. Imagine a weekly happy hour at a picnic table in the front yard, where a visual sign like a checkered table cloth signals the start and neighbors gather to catch up, bringing snacks and beverages to share.
More karaoke. My friend Stephanie and her coworkers created a monthly karaoke club and this seems like such a wise and healthy activity. Singing together is ancient and sacramental, and karaoke is one of the ways we can re-claim this rite. Because singing tricks us into breathing deeply, we experience both physiological and psychological benefits from singing even the most heartbreaking ballad.
You’re Invited
I’m curious, would you like to attend any of these gatherings? What’s a gathering you’d like to host or attend or see happen in the world? Reply to this email and tell me!
Looking forward to…
…re-reading Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones for book club. Have you read it? The eponymous film was the first Hayao Miyazaki movie I ever saw and it took me by surprise in the best possible way.
Thomaida